Toy Reviews

Air Suction Toys

I didn't understand the hype until I got my first one. After these, vibrators feel so weird and uncomfortable. This type of toy doesn't really suck, but makes little air pulses that change the pressure inside the mouth part. It's an indirect sensation, so you won't get "numb" like vibrators can make you feel. I've used one as my standard jerking off toy for like 5 years now. They're also nice to use in conjunction with a dildo, or when having sex. But I mainly use mine just to masturbate in bed. They're advertised that you can also use them on your nipples or elsewhere, but I don't really get anything out of it unless it's on my clit. I also see people recommending to use lube with them, but this never felt necessary to me. Even when starting from 0% horny, bone dry pussy, it felt fine. Just start at a low setting.

Satisfyer Pro 2

Price at purchase: $50

This was the first sucking toy I tried, and used it until it died.. twice. My first one lasted a few months before it stopped charging. Babeland was nice enough to send me an entirely new one when that happened. That one lasted a few years until it stopped working. It was probably my fault, I've dropped it off my high bed onto the hard floor a million times. I liked it! But due to the high price I got something different when it broke. It also only comes in this pink color which I don't love. Why are sex toys often so girly....It's a pretty large toy, and the handle was comfortable to use. I can't remember if I could use it hands free. I don't think it stayed in place very well without holding it, but I don't remember for sure.

I'm looking at the Babeland listing for this and there's a 15 year warranty?? oops....rip

I gotta say though, this thing really made me cum my brains out. Like kinda afraid I'm gonna die or something. It had 11 intensity settings and anything over like, 5, could make me cum almost instantly.

4/5 cums

Romp Switch

Price: $30

I got this on a whim with some other toys. It runs on two AAA batteries and has 6 levels of intensity. This thing is fine. It really burned through batteries. The best part is that the opening is fairly large so it could fit most of my larger clit inside. The small size of the toy means that I could stick it under my underwear and it would stay in place pretty well hands free. It isn't waterproof but you can remove the white silicone mouth part to clean it, but the hard plastic body was harder to clean. It's also a pretty loud toy which is annoying. The placement of the buttons make it hard to change the intensity when using it, which sucks. I think for just a bit more money, you can get something much better. I don't recommend this one. The orange color it comes in is a nice change of pace though!

2/5 cums

Hello Cake Little Sucker

Price: $30 (maybe less with a coupon!)

Besides the horrible name this thing is the best. I got it online at Target. It has like 5 different intensity levels and a few patterns. For $30 it really can't be beat. It also isn't a goofy shape like a stupid flower or lipstick or something, and isn't in that horrible sex toy fuchsia color. It's rechargeable, and lasts pretty long. I recharge mine about once a week or less. I've had it for 6 months now and it seems to be holding up in quality. While it likely won't last for many years, I'm very happy with it. The small size and shape of the toy makes it easy to stick inside my underwear to be used hands free. It's fun to buck down into it while laying on my stomach. The mouth is smaller than the romp, but is still roomy enough to be comfortable. If it had a slightly bigger opening I think it would be 5/5.

4/5 cums

Ben-Wa Balls & Egg Toys

This is my favorite type of toy for sure. They're so unique feeling and fun. I wish there was even more innovation and variety of these. I don't use them for exercise, and idk I feel like pilates would be a better way to tone your kegals and lower abs. So, I'll only be talking about them in the context of a sex toy. I like wearing them around during the day, and sometimes in public. Even the larger ones aren't too distracting and are a nice background sensation. They're fun to wear when I'm doing a bit of orgasm denial, to keep myself feeling extra needy. I've also worn them overnight, and then the next day I'll get phantom sensations of them rattling around~ I wish I wore them more often but it can be annoying removing them to pee, and I have gotten sore from wearing them too long. People get worried that they're gonna get stuck, but vaginas aren't that deep. After some practice you can push them out easily. Obviously never use this type of toy anally, they can get sucked too deep to retrieve. Oh never get stone ones! Stones are porous and impossible to totally clean. I've seen quartz ones for sale, and they look really pretty but aren't safe.

Lelo Luna Beads (classic size)

Price: ~$55

I got these right before they released a set with a three sets of beads, such a bummer! My set comes with 4 beads, two pink 28g and two blue 37g, and a silicone harness to make it easier to use them together. The plus set also comes with two more beads that are 60g each. I reaaally want this, but I can't justify buying another set. You can't buy the beads separately. I like mine but an even heavier weight would be even better. They are plastic, with a weighted ball inside each bead that rattles around. I mostly use just the heavier ones or all of them. The light beads are barely noticeable alone. The luna beads are pretty "clacky", the weighted beads move a lot with your movement, and then slip away when you'll still. They're small enough to not be annoying after a long time, but don't just fall out. I like to wear them while exercising, doing chores, at work, sleeping, whenever honestly. The worst part is the string to remove them. I'm glad there's something to make getting them out easier, but my sting has gotten stiff and discolored. Yes it's clean lol. It's some sort of plastic textile string, it's thin but gives me tampon vibes. It sometimes irritates me if it pokes my lips or gooch weird. Recently I've been wearing the two beads without the string without the harness and it's much comfier to wear for long periods of time like that. As of writing this, the plus set with 3 sets of beads costs $90 lmao. That's pretty ridiculous... Still, I really like mine and get a lot of use out of them.

I'm looking at the image on the Lelo website, and it looks like the string is a different material than the ones I have? It would be great if they replaced with something comfier!

4/5 cums

Silicone Brood Eggs

Price: ~$25

I've seen these at a few places but I think I got mine from Twin Tail Creations. It looks like they might not make them anymore though. These were the first egg type toy I bought. Mine was sold as a silicone sample, my set of 3 came with one in soft, medium and hard. They're about the size of duck eggs. I don't use these as often anymore, but I used to occasionally wear them around like I do now with my ben-wa balls. I would usually only put in one or two, but could squeeze in all three with some effort. The one closest to the opening would end up trying to come out, and trying to hold it in was pretty hot. Now that I've stretched myself, I can easily put all three inside. Nowadays I use them as filler. The squishier ones are really good at taking up the extra room inside me, and I've even been fucked with them inside. I used to prefer the stronger feeling of the hardest one, because it felt good to push out, but now I wish I had all softs. I like the feeling of multiple toys inside me, and it feels really good for them to squish around in there while I fuck myself with another dildo, or am stuffed with something else as well. The soft one was difficult for me to push out when I first got them. There was a few times where they were stuck inside for a bit... But they will come lower after just walking around with them. They've never been stuck for more than a few hours, and it wasn't uncomfortable. Now I don't have trouble getting them out.

While they're not my most used or exciting toy, I'm glad I have them for their extra stuffing power. I recommend soft silicone for stuffing, or medium for ovi laying play. Maybe it's just me, but I really don't like the feeling of very hard silicone. They're smaller than I like for laying play now, but were a good size when I first got them.

3/5 cums

Glass Yoni Egg

Price: $76 for the XL, $64 for L

I really love these. I got two sizes, L and XL from Luscious Playthings on Etsy. They now have a standalone website since Etsy banned sex toys. They also carry plugs and dildos so check them out! The XL ended up being too big so I bought a size down, and it's still pretty big but manageable. I can use the XL when I'm warmed up now. The larger sizes only come in clear, but the small comes in a few really pretty colors. The smoothness of the glass, and double tapered ends make these feel really unique. They're gentle but insistent with unwavering hardness of the glass and heavy weight. It gives a really nice stretch, and you can clearly feel it when it's inside. It's pleasantly cold when you first put it in too. Once when I was doing denial, I spent nearly an hour laying on my back pushing it nearly outside of myself, and then relaxing to let it sink back inside me. It was like a massage!

Even though it was a mistake, I enjoy having two different sizes, and wouldn't mind having a smaller one as well. They are my only glass toys and absolutely my most beautiful ones. If you are interested in egg toys, give these a shot. They feel really good resting inside, or to push out. Of course, only use one at a time, you don't want them to knock against each other and chip.

5/5 cums